Dear…and a Wedding Invite!

I drove to the grocery store today with a heavy heart, preparing this blog post (more on that tomorrow).

And then I walked in the store.

All heavy heartedness went out the window! So, today, you get letters.

Dear LadyThatGivesAndTakes,
Cute kid. He’s what, about 2? You know what’s not cute? The fact that you give him a toy, and then you take it away and let him scream for a solid minute, and then you give him the toy back, and then you do it all over again! For real lady? Seriously? I mean, I understand it’s Super Wally World, but that doesn’t mean we’re all scum that like to listen to screaming kids. And let me be straight here. Id’ like to kick you in the shin and poke your eye out each time you take the toy away and give it back.

Dear LadyWithATantrumThrowing12YearOld,
How cute is it when your 12 year old follows along behind you, crying, banging his hand on anything he can reach because you won’t buy him the package of Pokemon cards he wants, and you just walk along and argue with him the whole way. All I’m saying is, if you popped him in the mouth once or twice, he probably wouldn’t be acting that way. Since you chose to not actually parent your child for the first 12 years of his life, neither of you should be allowed in public. Why should we have to deal with your lack of parenting?? At this point you both need a good ass whoopin!

Dear 90YearOldWoman,
I understand that the kind overworked crappy folks over at our fine joke of a DMV thought renewing your license was a good idea, but they were clearly mistaken. When you get on the freeway at 20 mph on a Sunday afternoon when the flow of traffic is 80, you’re a friggin traffic hazard and you should not be driving anything faster than a Lark! And as if your merging speed wasn’t bad enough, the mile you spent between the slow lane and the shoulder definitely sealed the deal. Please park your car. And throw away your keys. Thanks.

Ugh. Seriously. What is wrong with people?????

I don’t want to end this post on a bad note though, so I leave you with a wedding invite I got from a friend…it’s seriously the cutest invite I’ve ever seen!!
Aren’t they just the cutest couple ever! I can’t wait to see their babies! Sorry about not cropping it and stuff…I propped it up against the laptop to take the pictures, and cropping it seemed like a lot of work since I took the pictures at an angle…what can I say, it’s lazy Sunday

Dear Dumbass…

Dear Ungrateful Coworker,
How great is it that even in a crap economy, our employer bought us lunch today, complete with soda and a side dish! I mean, how often does that happen these days, right? Oh, wait, you obviously don’t agree with me, based on the complaining you’ve done since the pizza arrived. I get it though. It didn’t come from the right place, it doesn’t have the right toppings, it’s not warm enough because it was delivered at lunch time in Sacramento traffic…feel free to turn your nose up at it. Oh, that’s right, you did. Ungrateful jerk.

And while we’re talking about people that irritate me…

Dear Fellow “American”,
Have you considered learning English? I mean, for the most part I believe to each their own, but when I have to talk to you, especially on the phone, that kind of goes out the window for me. Now I could understand if you were just visiting, by all means, communicate as you see fit, but since you have a job here, I’m going to assume you also live here, and PS, we speak English here. Now, if you want to speak your language all day long, knock yourself out, in fact, I’d love to hear it because I love a good accent, but when I, as an English speaking American, have to talk to you, I’d like to be able to have an effective conversation that doesn’t involve me pulling out my hair and gouging my ear drums with pencils. Thanks.