So, if I remember that I hate it tomorrow when I blog, I think I’m going to stop using it. In a month I’ll miss it 
As some people know, I have a half sister. When I was growing up, she was my favorite pen pal. We wrote, exchanged pictures, and occasionally threw in a phone call. Then something happened, and we stopped talking. I was maybe 13, already moved out of my mom’s house, and I wanted to go meet my sister in person. I think she panicked. Being 10 years older than me, she had more time for things like wisdom and baggage when it came to my mom, and she had no interest in meeting me and opening that door. I think she was afraid, and of what, I won’t speculate, because I truly don’t know, but she stopped talking to me and we lost touch.
Thanks to the power of Facebook, and my never ending desire to learn more about where I come from and who shares my blood, we are talking again. The conversations are in writing, and consist of nothing more than pleasantries you’d exchange with an acquaintance. Periodically I tell her I’d like to talk more, maybe over the phone, maybe meet, and she always skillfully ignores those requests like they never made it through cyber space. I don’t push. I don’t want her to leave again, and I do hope to someday be able to touch her face and meet my niece and nephew. If that means I have to be patient, and let her do the driving, I will; forever if that’s what it takes.
Tonight I got a random message from her on Facebook. She wants to start texting, and gave me her phone number. She also wants pictures of my mom, to see if she looks like her. It’s funny, because I see the family resemblance in her kids more than her, but when she was in her teens and 20′s, she looked a lot like our family.
I haven’t written her back yet. Someone told me the other day I’m a processor, and I think it’s something new about myself that I’m learning. I used to be a very off the cuff person, and I had a hard time thinking before I spoke. While that last part might still be true, I do like to really think about things and mull things over. Unfortunately for my Facebook friends and family, I have my “status” at my fingertips at all times, and they’re usually the ones that get my off the cuff responses to life! But something like this, I have the strength of the internet on my side. Since we’re not having a face to face conversation, I can take my time and form my response. I want this time, not because I’m unsure of her request, but because I’m unsure how much to take away from it. As I’ve said before, I always felt like being an only child was a huge disadvantage that I don’t wish on any child. I feel like you miss out on such a huge part of socialization, love, friendship, camaraderie, etc. I want nothing more than to be a sister, an autie, and for those words to have blood behind them! But I also don’t want to be hurt. I don’t want to get my hopes up, only to find out I want more from this relationship than she does. And I know she’s not ready for any type of “where is this going?” talk.
So, I’ll gather some pictures, and write her back with my phone number. Hopefully we can start texting, and form a relationship. One of the things she said is we really don’t know each other, and that statement couldn’t be more true. In her entire email, it probably stands out the most for me, because it touches my heart the most. I want to know my sister, who she is and why. I know it’s a long road. And I’m committed. Probably more than I’ve ever been committed to anything in my life.
I don’t have a good picture that I want to put with this post…so I leave you with one I borrowed from Google
